Hotel Belmar —– What Belmar?

My first and last visit to Mazatlan

Mazatlan Vieja (Old Mazatlan)

What mahogany? What tile? What swimming pool? What ambiance? Do you mean the broken window? The wire’s hanging out of the ceiling from around the broken fan? The closet doors hanging from their hinges? And no way to lock the door of the room itself.

I was more than disappointed. This was the first time in all of my travels to Mexico that I planned ahead of my trip. Making a reservation in Old Town Mazatlan, unfortunately, I believed the advertisements. Against my better judgment, I made a reservation while still at home. As it turned out, I couldn’t get out of Hotel Belmar fast enough.

Leaving my bag in the room facing the sea, I set off to find a new hotel. I walked and walked until my sandals rubbed red burning blisters into my feet. The sun burned my face. I wanted to cry.

Nicholas, the hotel clerk, was nice. When I said, I wanted to find a new hotel, he said, “Stay, stay”. But I was desperate not to spend my very expensive vacation in the Hotel Belmar. And to top it off, the only beach near the hotel, was a small patch of sand, dark and surrounded by boulders, littered with plastic garbage. It was not even worth exploring.

The malecon swarmed with people. Locals were cooling off in the sweltering heat. Vendors were selling grilled corn on the cob, skewered through on a stick, smothered in butter, and sprinkled with Tajin. Others sold shaved ice, ice cream and soda. Children, covered in wet sand, were squealing. Teenagers were shouting at one another and boom boxes were playing Banda music at top volume.

“I can’t stay there. I chanted inside my head as I walked. What will I do? How will I change hotels? What’s even available? How can I find out? I need water. What am I doing here?” I feared to stay even one night, where the lights flickered in the dark room and the rusty  AC unit ground loudly.

So far I didn’t like what I’d seen of  Mazatlan. A four-lane highway runs between a strip of hotels and the beach. The beach is steep, a thin strip, broken by huge outcroppings of boulders. This isn’t even the hotel district. This is in  Mazatlan Vieja. Right then, I missed my family. What would they say if they saw me now? I was way too hot and my feet were being rubbed raw.

I wished I had picked Acapulco. Acapulco I knew well. I could have gone to Pie de la Cuesta or Zihuatanejo or any number of places that I loved. My dream of buying a small hotel felt crushed, and I certainly wouldn’t be buying anything here.

I hailed a pulmonia. These are small, open-air jeeps with a canopy and music blaring. “Where can I find a cheap hotel?”, I asked the driver in Spanish. These guys get a commission for bringing tourists to particular hotels that they are affiliated with. I also know from experience that when I let them know that I’m fluent in Spanish, they’re going to run into the hotel before me and tell the clerk that I am fluent in Spanish, so there’s no talking among themselves, thinking that I don’t understand what they’re saying.

The driver knows, he says, of a cheap place. It’s called Olas Altas. (High or Big Waves). I’d been traveling in Mexico for a long time, and I knew what hotels go for. But it was peak season, and this is right on the highway with the beach right across those four lanes. Cars were whizzing by and it was quite noisy and dusty. But I was at the point of collapse. Right then I’d pay just about anything.

I wanted to pay $30 a night, but they were insisting on $81. I’ll get a deal, they continued to insist,  if I stay for the whole week. I’m embarrassed to say, I paid over $400. This was unheard of in my experience, but as I said, I thought I might keel over if I didn’t find a place to eat and sleep and soak my damaged feet.

I paid and promised to be back shortly. I hopped on the pulmonia again, back to Hotel Belmar. When I told Nicholas that I was leaving, he was none too happy. He made me pay $100 pesos, for the molestia (for the trouble) I guess for showing me the room. It appeared to me that I would have been their only guest. At this point, I would have paid almost anything. Just get me out of here, I thought. I took one more look at the pool, which was covered with a green slime, and was happy to be gone. I think at one time, this was a very cool and trendy hotel. The bones were still there.

Nicholas kept saying, “Piense bien. Tiene que pensar bien.” You better think it over, he was saying. I said, “I’m sorry, but this is my vacation and my money. Adios.” Did he think that I really could have stayed? So back onto the pulmonia. I hopped on and off I went to Olas Altas.

When I arrived, I instantly dropped my luggage in my room and stripped to the skin. I was as red as a beet, I could hardly walk. I couldn’t wear shoes. I had two or three blisters on each foot with at least one that had burst open and was bleeding… and I’m too hot.

Olas Altas  was just okay. The rooms were new with air conditioning, the beds were comfy. And across the four-lane highway, was the beach and I could see the spectacular sunset.

I also could see the big red signs saying that there would be no swimming because of dangerous currents and the massive waves. I would have to go searching for a good beach for swimming.

I threw on my swimsuit and threw myself into the pool. I floated in the pool until I felt myself calm down. I was in bed by 9:00 pm. I was tired to the bone and had not had a drink of water or anything to eat all day.

I drug myself to a table by the pool. There was a small restaurant in the hotel and I immediately downed two bottles of Pacifico before drinking glasses and glasses of water. I ordered caldo Tlalpaño which was a soup of rice, avocado, and chicken. I believed it was the best soup I’d ever eaten. And then I had a platillo Mexicano, 1 sope, 1 chili rellano 1 tostada, 1 quesadilla, guacamole, and frijoles.

I didn’t stop until I had my fill. I rested my head in my hands and almost fell asleep. It was time for me to go to my room. I fell into bed and as soon as the traffic died down on the highway, I slept like a baby, listening to the giant waves crash on the shore.

Tomorrow I’ll eat breakfast at Pueblo Bonito. They want to sell me this place, but right now. I don’t want to be sold anything ever.

I spent the rest of the week in Mazatlan staying at Olas Altas. Unlike all of the other times that I’ve been in Mexico this was not fun, not comfortable, not interesting, not anything. I never found the beach that I was looking for… someplace to swim.  I did find some good places to eat, which is easy to do in Mexico. But I found that the food in the hotel restaurant was the best food to be found.

I understand that there are people who love Mazatlan. They buy houses and condos and businesses, and vacations and retire there even. But after that experience, I never wanted to go back… to Mazatlan that is.

Hobos and the Cut

Hobos: Men down on their luck

We had a small forested area that ran along the railroad tracks at the end of our street, maybe 3 blocks to the East. The “Cut” we called it.

Trains went (cut) through our neighborhood to cross the train bridge over the Willamette River to the Union Pacific railroad station on the West side.

At night, we could hear the trains chugging by and blowing their whistles. Chug, chug, whoo hoo. It was a mysterious and forelorn sound to me.

Hobos jumped the train as it slowed to cross the narrow bridge. All the boys were allowed to play in the Cut but were instructed to head for home when the train passed, leaving a group of hobos.

It was a pleasant place to camp out, treed with wild grasses sofening the hard ground. They were out of sight because the tracks were cut deep into the terrain, but we all knew that this was ẃhere the hobos jumped off.

They started camp fires to warm mostly cans of beans. My brother told me this because, being a girl, I wasn’t allowed in the Cut. I was too afraid of those worn and tattered fellows, anyway. Dad, who worked for the railroad, always said they were just men who were down on their luck.

My brother and the neighbirhood boys went down into the Cut as soon as the hobos hopped the next train. They were probably secretly dreaming about one day hopping a train outta there.

They were sure they’d find treasure in the cold ashes around the camp.  Something, anything. But mostly, they found cigarette butts and tin cans.

The boys played hobos, tying a kitchen towel or big red or blue handkerchiefs around the end of a long stick fllling it with cans of beans and peanut butter sandwiches pretending to run away from home. They slung that hobo sack over their shoulder, walking down the street as if they were really leaving.

The hobos never caused a bit of trouble, unlike the “hoods.” The hoods were a group of teenage ruffians from school. They drank, smoked and harassed us girls, and fought with each other in small gangs. They never did much damage to the neighborhood or to each other. They were just tough acting. 

They stormed around the neighborhood in souped-up cars, wearing tight t-shirts and narrow leather belts on their Levis. To our parent’s chagrin, we fell in love with the bad boys.

That’s who our parents should have warned us about, not the hobos.

How many of us girls got knocked up by hobos? None.

How many by the boys? Lots.

A Little Food Adventure ~ Trippin’ with Tracy and Kelly in Arizona Again 2024

Anytime I come to see Tracy and Kelly,  I’m gaurateed to eat really good and interesting foods and to visit some outstanding galleries and such. The photos in this post were taken at the Fry Bread Lounge, next door to the Native Market in Scottsdale.

Tracy and I are showing off our turquoise and silver rings. (Tracy’s has coral, too). Many, if not most, of the art in the market were made by local artisans. It was cool to see their photos and to read the bios. Not your usual tourist trap.

The Fry Bread Lounge is native owned and operated, as is the market. The drinks were so good and unusual. We’re going to try to replicate our favorite when we get to Sedona.

 

There’s me giving some love to Kelly and a couple of shots of the food. The”fry bread flight” came with different sweet and savory dips. I can’t remember the name of the plate, but it was a wonderful mix of hominy, wild rice and vegetables.

If you ever get to Scottsdale, don’t miss the opportunity to visit these outstanding businesses.

Missing from this post are photos of the first restaurant visited when I just got in from Portland. Extraordinay Chinese food at the “Big Buddha”. Not your typical American Chinese food at all. The orange chicken was not drowned in the usual flouresent orange sticky sauce, the egg foo young was … well, how can I describe it? The chop suey was indescribable, as well. Can I just say delicious and surprising? I can’t believe I didn’t take any photos of the food and of the giant Buddha. You know what they say: a picture is worth a thousand words.

Then last night, we drove to Alhambra to eat at the “El Tiburon” (The Shark). Kelly’s sister Mo joined us. This took me right back to Mexico. The building, the colors both inside and out, the dark lighting and disco club flashing lights, the two guitarists standing and singing the music of Juan Gabriel, Rocio Durcal, Marc Antonio Solis, and Pedro Infante.

The outside of the “El Tiburon” is painted turquoise and was festooned in white lights. If Tracy’s friend had not recommended this place, we would never have found it, because how would we know? We ate giant oysters with discs of pulpo (octopus), avocado and fresh salsa, fish fillet smothered in butter, fish tacos in blue corn tortillas, shrimp and octopus cocktails (in glasses the size of a child’s head)… beer, margaritas, and piña coladas.

One marked difference from restaurants in Mexico is that the restroom had toilets with seats.

Why, oh, why did I not take photos? I promise to do better.

Since temps are reaching 111° – 113° daily, here’s us in the pool.

The Price of Friendship. Silver or Gold?

She asked me if I was wearing silver or gold. My answer was silver. Her response was, “then go”.

Her accent was foreign to me. She was probably nearing 70 years old. She wore a form fitting swim suit and lay on a lush towel on the white sand. She was beautiful. Her hair was full and dark and streaked with sun bleached strands. I laid not far from her on a cheap hotel towel.

A tall and lanky young man in a tight red speedo, that left not much to the imagination, stood towering over me. He was dark brown and muscular. His life on the beach made him appear darker than the skin peeking out from under his suit.

I had met several of what I called “the boys on the beach”. Because I am naturally curious and an ethnographer, I had spoken with many of them and had even befriended a couple.

They made their livelihood by providing services to the tourists on the beach. Some worked giving rides on jet skis and inflatable bananas. Some drove boats for para-gliding. Most of those that I met had started quite young… 13 – 14 years old even.

If they were lucky they would meet women who would then take them out to dinners, buy them clothes and would even give them money.

I had watched these scenarios on the beaches in Mexico many times. One might see older women out in the clubs at night dancing, escorted by these young men. Some might even call them gigalos. Everyone benefited.

So, here was Gilberto, offering to take me out on his paddle board, out to the La Isla de Roqueta. He had cold beer in the compatment on his board, he added, hoping to convince me. I was reluctant. Even though he was a cousin to one of the men I had gotten to know, I didn’t know him except by sight.

He was trying convincingly to encourage me to go with him to where only the locals would know. He knew of a cove with white sand, he said, where there was every color of irridescent fish and beautiful coral and unusual rock formations. But I have no money, I said, hoping to discourage him.

I was equivocating even though I knew him slightly and I was used to seeing him everyday on the beach taking others out into the bay to the Isla. Tired of our discussion, it was then that the woman lying near me stepped in with her question, “Are you wearing silver or gold”?

I told her that I was wearing only silver. She then, with an air of authority said, “Then go”. I felt like my mother had just told me that I could go ahead and go on a date with that boy on the motorcycle.

I gathered up my towel and climbed onto his long board. Gilberto stood on the front of the board with a paddle, looking not unlike a statue of Adonis. I relaxed as he handed me a beer from his cooler. This wasn’t the first time I had accepted an invitation to do something a little adventurous, to some maybe, dangerous

He was practiced and proficient as we glided past the submerged statue of Nuestra Señora de Los Mares or better known as La Virgen Guadelupe.

This statue is not very deeply submerged and is a popular tourist attraction, often visited by the glass bottomed boats that transport tourists and locals alike, between the beaches and the island. She’s located in the Bay of Acapulco off the coast of La Isla Roqueta. Though beloved, it seemed really creepy to me.

Nuestra Señora de Los Mares or the Virgen de Guadelupe

By the time we were out into the bay and gliding and rocking along, I was so glad that I overcame my trepidation and went along. I was so glad that the lady lying beside me on the beach had encouraged me to go. Then, as now, I’m glad I did not miss this experience.

As we drew near the dock where the boats landed and let people off to visit the restaurant on the island, we took a turn to the right and circled the island staying near the shore. The sun was warm and the breeze was cool and the water splashing over the board was refreshing.

It wasn’t long and Gilberto guided us into a small and hidden cove with a white Sandy beach. The smooth and glistening rocks at the water’s edge were every color and shone in the sun through the translucent blue, green water. Gilberto unloaded the cooler with the beer and a few snacks onto the beach.

Cove on the Isla Roqueta

For a short while I laid on the beach and drank another beer. Gilberto encouraged me to move into the water and I laid and floated on the gently sloping beach. As my eyes adjusted to looking under the water, I saw schools of beautiful small fish, iridescent in the sun and shining in every color. Gilberto moved in and lay beside me. I lost track of time.

For a minute I thought Gilberto would try to make a move. He did but as I moved a little away from him, he did not persist. I didn’t blame him for trying, as this is how he made his living. He was possibly hoping that I would be one of those women who would spend their vacation taking him out to dinners buying him clothes and spending money on him.

We talked softly, drank more beer and rocked in the water until the sun sank into the horizon. It was time for us to reluctanty return to la playa Caleta. The air was still warm as stars began to appear in the sky. This had been a magical day.

I jumped off the board just short of shore and walked through the gentle waves onto the warm sand. I laid my towel out and sat down, exhausted from the day in the sun and sea. Gilberto sat next to me. I asked him what I owed him. He wouldn’t take my money. No matter how much I insisted he refused to take even one peso.

I wanted to at least pay for the beer. I wanted at least to pay him for his time. I knew that if he hadn’t spent the day with me, he would have made money doing what he does best, which is to entertain the tourists.

Instead, Gilberto and I had become friends. Maybe this was worth more than silver and gold to him. I know it was to me.

Another “weird” Day in Puerto Vallarta

Weird day. I took the bus to Wal-Mart. Wrong idea. Nothing at all of interest. Next door is the Vallarta Mall. Less of interest there. I need tank tops. How could they not have decent tank tops? Everything is extremely air conditioned. I started to feel sick, so I got out of there.

At least I saw where the cruise ships dock right across the road and walked straight into heavily armed military guys who looked to me like teenagers.

Where the cruise ships dock.

In order to catch my bus home, I have to pass thru Old Vallarta so I decided, of course, why not go to the beach. I was getting hungry and as is my wont, I started asking where the good comida corrida is. After walking blocks and blocks, I was getting parched. I saw inside a building alot of tables with no tourists, just locals. There was no sign but a placard that said, Comida Corrida, $65 pesos. That’s a little over $4.00 USD. Soup, shrimp fajitas, salad, beans, rice, agua fresca and dessert. Now that’s what I’m talking about.

Then for a long hot walk on the beach. I was parched again and needed to get out of the sun so again I stopped at a place with no name, broken chairs, worn out umbrellas, and desperate beach guys waving menus. I was at the end of my energy, so gratefully sat at a table and ordered 2X1 mojitos. It was taking so long for them to come, I almost left.

Soon handsome beach guy, Armando, came with my drink. He was not young but was probably approaching 50 but extremely handsome. He carefully stirred and stirred the best mojito I’ve had to date. We chatted for awhile and I learned that he sleeps at the place.

A “cafe” outside of these tourist zone

While I watched a large group of really big, heavily tatooed men with women and children playing in the water, drinking and talking, I found myself thinking that the guys had hydraulicly operated hot rods with amazing paint jobs and guns and knives and that they loved their wives, girlfriends and kids. Its amazing what stories I can make up out of stereotypes.

Well, so as not to make this story any longer than it already is, while drinking my second mojito, Armando ended up massaging my right shoulder, sending healing energy into it and declared that I had a piece of metal in there (which I do) but that he could heal me. I’m suppose to go back tomorrow.

I don’t know, maybe I’ll go back, or maybe I’ll have a facial.

Notes from an Arizona Trip – points of interest… not!

Or what I thought was important to note. This is probably the most ridiculous travel blog ever written. I find it hilarious and terribly boring.

Tuesday

  • Shopping plazas
  • Saguaro cactus
  • Bougainvillea
  • Leafy spurge
  • Palm trees
  • Bottled water
  • Arizona sycamore
  • Mormons – Meacham
  • Snowbirds

Wednesday

  • Airplane flight
  • to house
  • Irene’s shop
  • Lunch at Mortenson’s – tuna sandwich – beers
  • Heatherbrook Square
  • Dr. office
  • ASU campus – t-shirts
  • Plaza – Chophouse – Village shops
  • Home – #10 Pasta – Italian sausage and red sauce, sharp cheese, crackers, peanuts, smoked oysters, called home, wine and beer, cannoli

Thursday

  • Sweet rolls, coffee, freshly squeezed OJ
  • Borgata – galleries – cars – rich people
  • Biltmore Plaza – ate outdoors
  • Esprit, Gucci, Saks, Sharper Image, Cappricio, Williams-Sonoma, Imagin
  • Scottsdale – pepperoni cheese bread
  • Nellos
  • Larry’s job
  • walked
  • It. Nacho – Corona and lime
  • Fresh
  • Cranberry
  • Walked in drops (6)
  • Knots Landing
  • Mikki volleyball – Won

Friday

  • Toured Ghetto
  • Spaghetti Co.
  • Heard Museum
  • Chips and salsa and guacamole – margaritas
  • Ahwatukee – exclusive homes
  • Chimichanga ****

Saturday

  • Fresh squeezed OJ
  • Mikki, Larry, Jack and Karen
  • Apache Junction – the mining camp
  • Superstition Mts.
  • Botanical Garden
  • Canyon Lake
  • Mikki sat on a cactus “gets cold” and sleeps in car
  • We ate gourmet lunch
    • fresh tortilla chips
    • ham and turkey and cheese – Kaiser roll
    • Tortellini salad
    • Claussen pickles
    • Pepperocini
    • Cheese bread
  • Salt River for tubing
  • Twins won
  • Hors-d’oeuvres -Jack took nap
  • American Bar and Grill – new buildings but 20’s or 30’s, live jazz, good drink
  • Bed

Sunday

  • Juice and coffee – left
  • McCormick Ranch
  • Boulders
  • Coffee, sweet rolls (free) (unbelievable)
  • Montezuma Castle – scenery changes
  • Oak Creek Owl
    • fag Mexican waiter (did I really write that?)
    • Outrageous food and drinks
      • Cajun Tenderloin
      • Nova salmon
      • Beef tenderloin grill
      • Salad
      • Bread
  • Through Sedona to Oak Creek scenic drive
  • Learned Apache from Larry
  • Slide Rock – Jack does Apache elbow dance
  • Ferrari caravan (20)
  • Sedona, good ice cream, chocolate, big rattler
  • Arroyo Pollo – Canyon of the Chickens
  • Tlaquepaque – galleries, shops
  • Spanish villa
  • Pepper wreaths, pottery
  • Drive home
    • Radio stations: Utah, Wyoming, Texas, S. California, Colorado
  • Got 8:00 home
  • Hebrew National hot dogs
  • Barbecue 10:00 – 90 degrees
    • Salad
    • Pasta
  • Little Larry talked ’til 1:30 AM

Monday

  • Ate outside with mist – 91 degrees
  • Bare Covers
  • Skateboard 8 store
  • Tip Top Nursery – Eucalyptus, cactus, etc.
  • The Island – Luxury waterfront living – 2 sets – model homes
    • Val Vista Lake – Breckenridge Homes, clubhouse, lagoon, two boats, bars, racquet room, weight rooms, recreation rooms, receptionist, exclusive
    • Ahwatukee – House of our Dreams
    • Santa Fe Dreams – right on South Mts., Two pink Spanish, unbelievable house, out of sight
  • Returned – outrageous eucalyptus tree
  • Came
    • hors d’ouvres
    • shrimp croissant, yummy
    • marsala lemon
    • salad
    • Pesto fettucini
  • Fell asleep on the floor

Tuesday

  • Irene and I walk
  • Burger King
  • Left for Mogollon Rim
    • Bee Line Highway to Payson thru Indian Village
    • Pine forest
    • 60 degrees on Rim
    • Heard elk singing
    • We yell from Rim
    • Pine tree hit by lightning scored spirally
    • Fountain on Fountain Hills 100”
  • Ate Mediterranean chicken salad
    • Fresh French bread
    • brewed coffee
    • Too cold to drink wine
    • Kahlua and beer
  • Saw Dymaxion Automobile
  • Mikki won game

Wednesday

  • Larry, Irene work, and play
  • Casa Grande Indian Ruins
  • Phoenix Zoo
  • Cactus place

The End

Then we flew home.

This happened: but I Can’t Remember Where.

I can’t remember where I was, what city, but I was in Mexico, that I know. Maybe San Miguel de Allende or Guanajuato.

Sunset Art Print San Miguel de Allende

Traveling with college kids put me where I might not have otherwise been. But my decisions were my own. Nobody forced me to do anything. This is just one of many adventures that changed my life forever.

I was having unusual fun inspite of my normally sedate mother/wife self. Alot had changed, me included. A weight of some sort had fallen away. I was ready to take risks.

Not that I hadn’t been happy. I had been very happy but I was very comfortable with this new me. The minute I stepped off the plane in Mexico for a semester at the Universidad de Querětaro, I wasn’t afraid to die.

As we sped through the streets of Mexico City, I felt that if I died, I’d die happy.

Most taxis looked like they had met with many mishaps. The streets were filled with pot holes of every size. There were metal poles sticking out of the pavement with no apparent purpose except as obstacles. There were hundreds of taxis going at breakneck speed and it seemed that no one paid any attention to traffic lights or signs. Whoo, hoo!

I didn’t die but it was not through any good sense that I survived. This is just one of my mis-adventures. I will be painfully honest, so bear with me, if you will. There will be more stories recounted as I dare to share them. Please note and keep in mind, that I have no regrets.

There is a stereotype, widely held in Mexico, that women and mainly American women are there to go wild. As we know, stereotypes often bear some semblance to truth though are more likely to be erroneous or at least an exaggeration. Since I was in Mexico to attend the university, my intentions were far from going wild.

I had never traveled outside of the US. I was a new student, even back home, with one semester of Spanish under my belt. I was a wife of 27 years and I had two grown children. That made me, let’s see, 46 years old. A student of this age was nearly unheard of in Mexican universities. I was the same age as the mother of my host family.

To say the least, I felt very strange and uncomfortable at school and at home, but I was too excited to be daunted by emotions. I was there for the total experience. On arrival, I was not at all prepared for what that meant, but I was soon to find out.

Lupe, the mother and wife of the household, cooked for me and even did my laundry, while I attended the same university as her children. If that wasn’t strange enough, I left every weekend to either meet with the other American students for drinks and music and exploring town, or I hopped a bus to other cities and often to the beach. Not one of the other students were out of their 20s. So, 20 somethings do what they do and so as not to be left alone to wander about, I did what they did… went to dance clubs.

I won’t say I didn’t like it most of the time. I love to dance and no one questioned my age. I started my Mexican adventure nearly 40 lbs overweight. I walked miles to and from the university four times a day. Even universities take siestas and there’s no food on campus. I’d either walk back home or into the center of town to eat. Before long, I had lost all of my extra weight and had a substantial tan and had gained a good deal of muscle and endurance. Those 20 somethings had nothing on me. It helped that I was going to the beach, swimming and walking everywhere.

Back to the dance clubs. Most of the time those nights were uneventful. We’d go, we’d dance our asses off, then I’d go home to sleep, but twice I thought I might die. You’d think after the first time, I would have stayed home, sat with Lupe in her kitchen watching telenovelas (soap operas) while she made me “Bimbo” bread sandwiches with thin sliced ham, tomatoes and pickled jalapeno or sweet pastries and “Nescafe”. But no.

I wasn’t in Mexico to learn how a middle-aged housewife lived, though I really liked her. She treated me like a special guest. We might have become good friends if I wasn’t so determined to see and do everything presented to me, apparently, no matter how dangerous.

Don’t misunderstand me, though. I didn’t go looking for trouble. Perhaps I was naive. I met my husband to be when I was just 16. I married him at 21 and had babies at 23 and 25. From that time forward, I was a housewife and mother. Other than moving, there was little excitement in my life, and as I mentioned before, I had never traveled, we didn’t go dancing, or any of the things I was doing in Mexico.

I was not clueless, however. In the short time I had studied Spanish, I had become sufficiently fluent. Though our classes were described, in the study abroad brochure, as being taught in English, we were thrown into the deep end on site. All classes were taught in Spanish, as were assignments and tests in Spanish.

One time in the post office, I asked a clerk if he spoke English and he responded in Spanish with, “Why would I?” It was sink or swim when a grocery cashier tried to charge me $20 for a can opener. I would have been robbed blind if I didn’t understand that a $5 taxi ride shouldn’t cost $20. Immersion is, no doubt, the best way to learn a language, and as I learned, it can save your life.

Back to the dance clubs. This particular night, a group of my fellow students and I had traveled to, I believe it was, San Miguel… I don’t remember exactly where we were. This fact added to the danger I was in on this particular night. At the time, of course, I knew where I was but no one else did except my friends. No one knew where we had traveled for the weekend, either. We were dangerously footloose and fancy free. No one ever knew where I was except when I was either in the classroom or at Lupe’s.

We had explored the city all day, we had eaten and now that it was nearing midnight, everyone wanted beer (more beer), music and dancing. Who was I to go back to the hotel and go to sleep? So I went along. I ignored alot of things, like everyone was at least 20 years younger than me. And I accepted other things like, I was at least 20 years older than everyone. I felt great and I was doing things that I hadn’t imagined when I signed up to be a foreign exchange student.

The club was pulsating with flashing colored lights and loud music that you could feel in your whole body and it was quite dark. It had been at least 25 years since I’d been out dancing. We were dancing all together when a young Mexican man began to dance with me. He was a very good dancer and it was almost entirely no contact except for some exceptional twirls. This was not the first or last time I danced with some great dancers. No foul. No harm. As the night went on, he stuck pretty close to me. The music was so loud, there was no conversation. My friends and others were dancing right beside me.

In the wee hours, my friends decided to head out and find some food and more beers. I decided that I needed to go back to the hotel and collapse. I didn’t mind going alone since the hotel was close. I walked out of the club and there behind me was the boy I had been dancing with.

I can’t recall his name since it’s been so many years now, but he introduced himself and introduced another young man who he said was his brother. They then invited me to their house, their parents house, to have some food and to meet their parents.

Now before you start jumping up and down and screaming at me about how stupid I was, let me tell you that I met many people, went to their houses and even spent nights in the homes of very kind and hospitable strangers. I would not have known how people live, eat, work and play if I had not taken the risks that I knowingly and willingly took. They were not all good experiences but few led to danger.

So, needless to say, as tired as I was, I accepted their invitation. We walked along narrow cobblestone streets, up hills, into a residential neighborhood, talking and getting to know a little about each other. They were very curious to know what I was doing there. I was certainly an oddity. They were promising some amazing home-cooked food and said their parents were probably still awake.

We arrived at a large colonial style house overlooking the city. There were few lights on. We entered through gigantic carved double doors and into a cavernous and dimly lit living room. The “brother” disappeared down a hallway. I needed to use the bathroom, let’s call him Felix, took me down the same hallway to a fully tiled bathroom that was resplendent with gold framed art and gold furnishings. When I came out, Felix was standing in the doorway of a small sitting room.

He invited me in and said to remove my shoes because of the carpets. I sat on a large divan and slipped my shoes off. Felix said he was going to see his mother about food and he’d return shortly. Of course, I was fascinated with everything. They were obviously quite wealthy and lived luxuriously. Up to this point, mostly I had met villagers in remote places. This was an entirely new experience.

As Felix walked out of the room, he turned off the lights and as he quickly shut the door, I heard the lock latch. I was completely in the dark. There were no windows and there were no cell phones for me to call for help. I stumbled around reaching for the door and trying to feel for a light switch. I couldn’t feel or see a thing. I tried to find my shoes, but they were gone. I didn’t want to get too far from the divan because I didn’t want to lose my bearings and I didn’t want to hurt myself. I waited. I told myself that he didn’t mean to leave me in the dark in a locked room without my shoes. I wasn’t going to panic… yet.

The door opened quickly and closed before I could speak. I was pushed backwards onto my back. I felt long, thin hands on my bare legs, gently moving upwards. I yelled no and wiggled away.

He only persisted for a few moments and was not in the least violent. He spoke quietly and tried to persuade me to give in. I told him, in Spanish, that nothing was going to happen. He left the room. I could hear whistling in the distance… like signals.

Soon, another person came in and the scenario was repeated. Finally, a third person came in. I could tell this was Felix. He was apologizing and telling me that he had misunderstood and thought that I wanted to have fun, all the while touching and carressing my arms and legs and trying to kiss me. Finally, I screamed, what I thought was, “get a life!” I think what I said was, “are you alive?”

Suddenly, he stood up and moved away. He turned on the lights and brought me my shoes. Strangely, he wanted to walk me to my hotel because it was so late and wanted me to be safe.

He did just that. We walked slowly through the dark streets in the early morning hours talking about his life and dreams and mine, too. He dropped me at the entrance to the hotel. We embraced and we wished one another luck and fortune in our respective lives.

I know what you’re thinking… but don’t say it. This was not the only risk I took while in Mexico. I willingly stepped up to the edge many more times. Remember what I said? If I die, at least I’ll die happy.

I didn’t know it when I signed up to study in Mexico that I would encounter so much adventure, but I’m glad I did.

New Year’s Eve Musings of a New Year’s Eve Anti-Climax Long Ago

It’s New Year’s Eve, 2017. I’ve been sleeping in my chair. I just moved to the bed. Everyone is sick here. Hannah and Enora are in a terrible state; they’re in mortal combat with the flu with body temperatures over 100 degrees. Both have painful coughs. Neither has eaten for at least two days. Ancel is at his dad’s New Year’s party, meeting with his friends for an intense game of Dungeons and Dragons. I made a delicious dip but no one wants it. I drank a huge glass of fresh orange and lemon juice with rum and I guess that’s why I fell asleep. Big, big exciting night approaching.

This is nothing new. If I had somewhere to be, it would be a miracle. I’m usually disappointed in New Year’s Eve, anyway. I’ve never been to a party. I’ve never shared my life with anyone who’ll stay, up. I can’t tell you how many years I’ve watched the ball drop in New York City, watching TV while huddled on the couch alone, while Jack slept in the bedroom. And me? Wondering if the rest of the world was dancing. I’d stay there watching the entertainment, then I would dejectedly drift into bed wondering what exciting time I had missed. After thirty some years with Jack, I really never got used to not celebrating the leaving of one year and the coming in of another.

Once I met Ramiro, I must have been out on New Year’s Eve. He wouldn’t have stayed home. He was a young Cuban man. A tremendous dancer with an unquenchable thirst for life. Why can’t I remember? I can’t remember. I’m sure we were either out dancing at Andrea’s Cha Cha’s Club or at Guave and Natasha’s house where there was always a party. Maybe that’s why. Maybe it was because we were always out dancing or at a house party.me-ramiro_1996-1

My saddest New Year’s Eve was when the Gregorian calendar turned to the year 2000, my first year without him. After three years, it was over, but it was a slow death. He wouldn’t come home. I had been too mean. A menopausal mean. The worst kind of mean. I didn’t know what had turned me into a dissatisfied screaming ‘jeemy’, and he had decided that if I kicked him out one more time, he wasn’t coming back. This was the last time. Though I begged him to come home and though we still loved each other, he was cold, like a stone. My pleading was useless, so I moved on. I tried for eight months. I dated others, but I wasn’t forgetting. I made plans to leave Portland to try to start over. To try to forget him. If he didn’t know where I was, he might leave me alone, might not call, might not come over every night.

So, I moved. I didn’t tell him where I lived. I house sat for Casey and Karen while they went to spend three months in an ashram in India. That should do until I left for Tallahassee, Florida having accepted a graduate fellowship at Florida State University. I would start winter semester. I decided to leave in December so that I could take the train to regroup, to try to pull myself together. While staring out the windows, I watched as each state flew by. How much farther away could I move while staying on the continent of contiguous states. How many degrees of separation would it take to get over him?

I planned to stop in Nogales, Arizona for a couple of days, to visit my good friend, Mary Beth. Mary Beth had traveled with me to Mexico. She had spent days and nights with Ramiro and me… cooking dinner, bringing sacks of food and liquor to the house, dancing and laughing and loving the nights and days away. After Ramiro left, she spent days, nights and weeks trying to console me but I was sick nearly to death from heartbreak. Between Mary Beth and Tannis, I didn’t die, though there were days that I couldn’t breathe. I would arrive in time to spend New Year’s Eve with Mary Beth and then on to Tallahassee. Good plan, I thought.

In those months, I never stopped crying. Mary Beth met me at the train station where we caught a taxi to her apartment. I came as she had left me months before. I was lost, but she was kind. We dropped off my bags and caught another taxi to the restaurant/bar where she worked. She was going to have to work on New Year’s Eve, she told me. I was going to be alone. This was what I dreaded. We bought liquor, then stopped at a taqueria where we gorged on tacos. Then back to the house where she dropped me off so she could head back to work. I busied myself cleaning. listened to music and felt miserable.

The next day we crossed the border to explore Nogales, Mexico. We ate, did a bit of shopping and then home again. I was terrible company. A broken record, a swollen-faced gargoyle, a fountain of salty water and grief. Mary Beth was strong like a giant sequoia tree. She never would have fallen prey to drowning in sorrow. She knew her strength. She had left many loves behind. I wanted nothing more than to drown. New Year’s eve came.

I was home for the evening while she worked her shift. She had moved away from Portland months before. She was always wandering. She had closed her eyes and dropped her finger onto a map. Wherever it landed, she decided, would be her next move. She packed up, got on a bus and rented an apartment as far south as one could travel. She settled on the Mexican border. The front of the apartment faced south with a view from the depressed US town of Nogales, Arizona, to its sister city, the even more depressed city of Nogales, Sonora, Mexico. The kitchen’s plate glass windows ran along the full length of the south side of the building, looking across the border, a wall of steel, into Nogales, Mexico.

Nogales-Wall

As night began to fall, I stood at the windows. I wasn’t hungry. I was beyond lonely so I would wait for Mary Beth to get off work when the bar closed. There would be no buses. Taxies would be few and far between. Her plan was, as it was every night, to walk home, alone, keeping to the gravel shoulder along the highway. She walked towards the border, for miles and miles, to reach her apartment. Never afraid.

a-stunning-photo-of-the-border-between-nogales-usa-and-nogales-mexico

I watched fireworks and listened to gunshots, watched the flares and the blue and red flashing lights of police vehicles and wondered what Ramiro was doing. At some point, I realized that bullets could come through those windows and kill me, so I spent the evening crawling around on the floor between the living room and the kitchen, standing just long enough to make another drink, hoping the walls were thick enough to stop a bullet. What did I know? When Mary Beth got home after a night on her feet, we drank until 4:00 in the morning, listening to ballads in Spanish. I needed to leave to catch my train though the sun was hours from bringing the light.

night in Nogales

The scheduled taxi driver refused to wake, so we drug my suitcases through the black streets; I was carrying $600 in cash, all the money I had to start my life on the panhandle. I was paranoid, hung over, or more likely still drunk, but still, I had to catch the first train out of Nogales. I was running to Florida but really, I was trying to run from my broken heart.

Eighteen years later, I’m still running from that broken heart and New Year’s Eve hasn’t gotten any better. I don’t cry anymore and I don’t watch the ball drop alone anymore but like all the new year’s eves in my life, I wonder what I should be doing.

Steve: Tempting a Ray of Fire

We could feel a tropical storm coming but we were nearly at our favorite place. It was hot,  hot and the humidity was incredible.  Last night there was a huge thunder and lightning storm and so we were walking in a sauna.20150709_194626

Steve wanted to swim and since it was our last night here, we were going to have dinner and drinks. When we got to Mahi Beach,  Steve went right out into the water.

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It began to rain.  The waiters, Carlos,  Luis and I carried our belongings inside the palapa covered bar.20150713_181535

The waves grew large and seemed as though they were going to nearly reach us inside.  Streams of rain water opened up rivers that ran into the sea. The sky darkened and lightning flashed and thunder crashed.  I could see Steve being tossed by the waves and hoped he would come in soon.

The rain came down and as Steve emerged he stood under the clouds bathing in rain water.20150711_165702

We watched as the sea near the shore filled with debris from landslides, large branches and mud turned the sea brown.

The storm ended and the sea calmed,  the rain stopped.

We stayed there for hours drinking and snacking until sunset when we walked to the bus stop to catch the #4 that would drop us off a couple of blocks from the house.

Aaah, Vallarta.20150713_195954